Wednesday, January 29, 2014

I couldn't stop myself. . .keep reading

Tomorrow is Brighton Birge's Birthday!

Now, let me say that correctly . . .tomorrow is MY BABY's birthday. My ONLY baby's birthday. Our one and only child's birthday. And, if you are a mom, you know that as I try to type this, you know that there are tears running down my face because where in the world did 5 years go. Tonight Dennis and I went to go shopping for "her" list. Her "must have" items. I went straight to the Fisher-Price aisle. He had to stop me and say what are you doing -she hasn't been on this aisle in years. Yes, I know, but I wanted to touch them all again and see the blocks and rings you have to stack and watch the toys light up. I didn't want to buy an Esquerian Girl Doll that is half girl and half horse? It scares me! As I have mentioned before I tied my tubes and for my health I can't have another. Plus Dennis has paid all of the childcare until June he is so excited for this birthday to arrive! But, it's not about having another child - this is about MY baby. So, if you are reading this and don't know much about our little B - I have to tell you. In 5 minutes on this Earth - she was ours.

Brighton LeAnne Birge




  She is spoiled rotten.   And she has me eating out of the palm of her hand. 
She is incredibly disciplined.  Because I have made her that way.  I expect her to be perfect.  Because she is the first born.  She’s got a little sass to her.  And she can light up a room.  But my gosh, she is a mini me.  I have created that child.  I don’t know … to be a little me is a little scary.  

But my question is – all the time – you know Dennis goes in a store, a service store, has something done, even a hair cut, no matter what  ... my one question is, “Were they nice?”  “Was she nice?”  “Was he nice?”  Because if the answer was “no”, I’m never going back there.  And I don’t know if I’m seeking approval from those people.  Or wherever it is, it doesn’t matter.  “Where they nice?”  Because I don’t want to go anywhere I’m not accepted.   It's part of my anxiety I suppose.

Brighton’s question constantly is, “Are you sad?”  “Are you happy with me?  Or are you sad with me?”   And to me that just shows that she is going to have a little dose of my anxiety … forever.  And as Dennis knows she is, she is still her mother’s child.  From the very beginning.

 She going to be five tomorrow.  She came out all barrels blazing.  And she hasn’t stopped yet. 

And she’s strong.  And that also scares me.  Because that means she’s going to have something in her life that she’s going to have to be strong for. 

I was strong.  My grandmother is strong.  My mother is strong.  But we’ve all had something horrific in our life that we’ve had to be strong women for.   We’re not pansies; we don’t lean on people, and we don’t need someone.  We are very strong people.  And she’s the same way.  My grandmother loved her husband so much, he was in a wheelchair from an aneurysm. She cared for him in ways that she didn't have to - she didn't sign up for that. She was incredibly strong. My mother - again, my dad has had so many heath issues - again strong - since I was little - he has had something going on - but rarely have I seen her cry - she stays strong for all of us.
Brighton is strong.

She doesn’t need me to zip her jacket.  She knows how to do that by herself.  She has since she was three.  I tell my first graders all the time, “My four year old can zip a jacket.  You CAN do this.  
Brighton is the most independent child I know.  “No, I don’t want you to zip my jacket or tie my shoe.  I know how to do that mom. “
“Ok, Brighton”.    “Hold my hand.” 
“No, I don’t need to hold your hand.  I know how to walk beside you without holding you hand.”

So it kind of scares me.  Because she is so strong.  So I know she’ll have something that she’s going to have to go through just like the women before me.  And that’s why she is so strong. 

But just to think … five years old.  She is a complete daddy's girl. She adores her Grandy. I think she would be fine having a room at their house for the weekends. Brighton and Grandy have a bond that no one will ever understand. I think it is similar to my grandmother and myself. I will bring up all kinds of stories that my grandma told me, but no one else knows them. She only told me. That makes me feel incredibly special.

She loves her Papa too and her Nana, Pops and cousins. She is a very lovable child. All of her friends. She's just a friendly child. Never meets a stranger.

My best friend Robin - she truly thinks that is her Aunt Robin. Loves her to pieces.

She thinks the world of her Uncle Todd and Cassi, but NEVER wants him to know it.

I watched her sleep last night, and she is absolutely beautiful.  She is a beautiful child.  But her smile … it’s her smile that makes her absolutely stunning.  You just look at her and you just think … she just doesn’t even know how beautiful she is. 

And it will be her mouth that gets her in trouble.  If only I could teach her everything I know now.  That I’ve had to learn.


My five year old little baby. 




It’s sad and so happy all at the same time, isn’t it?
I was going to put a couple of pictures up here - but I just couldn't stop.


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