This isn't quite a hypothetical question. This is a question for everyone out there. All 500 of you that read this. I have hurt a lot of people in my life. I think we can look back and say we all have either intentional or unintentional, but even years later - this hurt it coming back so vivid in dreams I wake up in the middle of the night wondering how to fix these broken pieces.
I have had friends that have come and gone, these friends that no longer even speak when you walk by and that hurts. I'm not that same person as I was then - I am a new person. I was born again on November 10th and when I heard those words on December 15th "raised to walk in a newness of life" - that is what I'm trying to do. Make amends. Figure out what is wrong and fix it. Apologize for what ever I said, for putting myself first, for doing something so badly that I have blocked it out and caused friends to say good-bye to me.
I do not expect the kind of friendships again, but I did love these people and care for them. Acquaintances, yes, keeping up with families, yes, I would love those things, but first I would like to apologize for whatever happened 3 months ago, or 1 year ago, or even 4 years ago. My heart aches for forgiveness for these people and if they had 30 seconds they may see I'm not that immature girl that once was.
So, my question for tonight . . . how to fix broken bridges -perhaps they aren't burnt down - they are just missing a few pieces. I can only pray there is a way. I do know I am not deserving, but I will continue to pray.
Ephesians 4:32
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Matthew 18:21-22 Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.
Ecclesiastes 7:20
Surely there is not a righteous man on earth who does good and never sins.
this is totally spot on with what I'm going through right now... there are friendships/relationships that feel so broken beyond repair in my life and maybe that's exactly where they need to be -- out of MY human reach because the rebuilding needs to have its foundation solely from God's hand.. we can't do anything about how others currently feel towards us -- whether they are disappointed or hurt or betrayed by us. we can't really even know if that's STILL how they feel towards us.... what we do know and can only do anything about is what behaviors and beliefs we can see in ourselves and if those line up to what God wants based on what the Bible says. I think in time, the more we get honest about what parts of us really fits/doesn't fit in God's standards, the more we pursue being changed by God -- and our behaviors/thoughts/actions will reflect the better ways to build the new bridges HE will bring in our lives, whether it's with the people in our past, present, or future. But the most important thing to remember is being saved by Jesus is ONE step, a REALLY important step, but our habits/beliefs/ways don't change overnight... those get changed by constant reflection on God's Standards and making the adjustments accordingly... i hope that makes sense... it's a great thing that you are now aware of this need to build bridges, but the next step after that is to learn how to build them the right way according to God's standards.
ReplyDeleteOh my….I hate that you are struggling so much with this but honestly, I completely understand where you are. I have been there and more than once I have spent sleepless nights and dreams have come with me wondering what to do to fix what I have destroyed. You know me as well as anyone and know how abrasive I can be and that is not good combined with how hurt I have been, how untrusting I am of people, and how deceived I was by the devil for so long about how no one could love me because of my past. I have made some TERRIBLE mistakes in my past with friends and unfortunately, I cannot go back and make all of those right. The ones that I could, I tried. There was one friendship in particular that was so devastating to me and would wake me up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night because I had literally ruined it with my hurtful words and actions. I prayed about this and cried and was literally devastated about it. One day I was at a Beth Moore conference in Little Rock and this person was there as well. She was talking about difficult people in your life and relationships, etc….I had such an overwhelming feeling about this person. She lived very close to Little Rock. I had tried FOR YEARS to apologize to her and reach out to her with no avail…no response at all. That VERY NIGHT when I got home from the conference, I received a really long email from her telling me that she forgave me and that started our friendship all over. Is it the same? No…it never will be but the burden that I had about that friendship was lifted. I have never been so blessed about something like that before. God truly touched me regarding that. I say all of that to say….God's timing is perfect, Jill. He will bring those people back into your life if you are to mend those relationships. Just pray…pray hard and like me, you may have to pray for a long time. You can't let the enemy have control over this though…when you start to feel overwhelmed by it, take it to the Father. Love you and I am so proud of you!!!!
ReplyDelete