What you DON'T Know-But I HOPE you listen

It sounds like a topic that you want to click on immediately. But, I hope that you read this and hopefully it will help you understand something I have dealt with for the majority of my life. I have OCD. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I am not ashamed to tell or educate anyone who wants to listen with an open mind.

Misconceptions

There are many misconceptions regarding OCD. No, I do not use a brand-new bar of soap each time I wash my hands. I do not turn the lights on and off a certain number of times before I can leave a room. I do not check the oven to see if it is turned off 26 times before I leave the house. Yes, that happens to many people, but in very severe cases - that is not me. People who suffer from OCD fall under different categories: washers: afraid of contamination, checkers:repeatedly check things, doubters/sinners: are afraid that if everything isn't perfect or done just right something terrible will happen, hoarders: never throw things away.

Where does that leave me?

I can tell you first, I fall into the doubters/sinners. I have always been a perfectionist - like many of my friends say they are, but mine goes to another degree. I was diagnosed with OCD at the age of 22, about the time when Dennis and I started dating. I had been in counseling for some time and finally I took a serious tests and passed with flying colors . . . .full blown OCD. At first I was ashamed, but then I embraced this is part of who I am and if I could educate and change other's perceptions, I had to tell my story.

OCD is a type of anxiety that happens when the brain deals with worrying and doubts. I am constantly worrying of things being out of order or not "just right" or worry about the need to connect to people or why haven't I connected to some people. It is an endless cycle. Many times I will pull away because if I think about it too much, I can go into a panic attack easily. If I feel left out - panic attack. I am constantly telling myself - "everything is not about you". People can have other friends and still like you. It really is sad. If you find me even hinting for reassurance -- it's just the OCD/anxiety talking. People who have OCD sometimes need a brief relief of reassurance.

Since 2004, I have gotten much better and learned many techniques to help with me my anxiety. There are breathing exercises and calming exercises. Yes, I also take 1 medication to help. That is probably the worst thing is one of your friends will say "Have you not had your meds today". It is incredibly hurtful even though they are kidding. Right now, it is something that I have to have.
I am still me. I try to be as thoughtful as I can, loving life, loving my family and try to never meet a stranger. I love making new friends and teaching my precious first graders. OCD does not define me. It hasn't ever or never will.